Want to be a better parent? Start by understanding your values. parenting
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner][vc_column_text]

reading time 8 minutes.     download pdf version of this article.

When was the last time you stopped and really analysed how you parent?

In a sense, it’s an odd question to ask, we don’t often think about parenting in this way as it’s something we do instinctively. Yet we wouldn’t approach any other serious undertaking in our life armed only with our instincts. We would have objectives, a plan, we would regularly review our progress and make adjustments along the way, we would analyse our skills and shortcomings and work on the areas that need improvement.

No doubt, our instincts are a useful tool and we are of the mind that parenting is more art than science, however just as with anything else in life, if we applied a bit of planning, structure and process, we could dramatically improve our results. We owe it to our kids (and ourselves) to do the best job that we can, after all, we only get one chance to get  it right.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_custom_heading text=”why do we rely so heavily on our instincts?” font_container=”tag:h3|font_size:24|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Our parents brought us up on instinct, as did theirs to them, it’s a process we have ‘learned’ and therefore we don’t automatically have the inclination to examine alternatives- it’s what we know and it’s what everyone else does too.

Also, modern parenting has become all about plate spinning. Our weeks are filled to the brim with work, school, homework, and post-school activities. Weekends more often than not, are spent chauffeuring kids to classes and parties, catching up on the housework and doing the food shop, whilst squeezing in some social time for ourselves. We don’t have the timeto look for an alternative, especially if we don’t know exactly what to look for![/vc_column_text][vc_cta h2=”” style=”custom” add_button=”right” btn_title=”take our free course” btn_style=”custom” btn_custom_background=”#ce879f” btn_custom_text=”#ffffff” btn_align=”right” custom_background=”#58646d” btn_link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Flifehacksforkids.co.uk%2Fpbd-1-minicourse%2F||target:%20_blank” btn_button_block=”true”]We only get one chance to get being a parent right. Got 20 mins spare to be a better parent?[/vc_cta][vc_custom_heading text=”so how is this a problem?” font_container=”tag:h4|font_size:24|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Do you find yourself saying the same things to your kids as your parents said to you, even though you swore that you wouldn’t?

Do you find yourself making the same mistakes with your kids over and over again?

Do you make mistakes that could have been avoided with some forward thinking?

Do you have a blueprint to fall back on, to help guide you when the going gets tough?

Or, is how you parent dependent on how you feel (stressed, tired, energetic) on any given day?

Do you waste time and energy focusing on the wrong things?

Do you feel out of control and lacking consistency?

Do you read articles about whether we should (or shouldn’t) be helicoptering/ snowplow/ authoritarian/ hands off etc… and feel unsure about what you are doing?

Do you compare yourself to what other parents are doing and try to copy them?

Do such comparisons make you question your own ability?[/vc_column_text][vc_cta h2=”” style=”custom” add_button=”right” btn_title=”take our free mini course” btn_style=”custom” btn_custom_background=”#ce879f” btn_custom_text=”#ffffff” btn_align=”right” custom_background=”#58646d” btn_link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Flifehacksforkids.co.uk%2Fpbd-1-minicourse%2F||target:%20_blank”]Ready for your own Parenting MOT?[/vc_cta][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1467817483814{padding-top: 80px !important;padding-right: 10px !important;padding-bottom: 15px !important;padding-left: 10px !important;background-image: url(http://lifehacksforkids.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/destination-unknown.jpg?id=8061) !important;background-position: center !important;background-repeat: no-repeat !important;background-size: cover !important;}”]

Which version will the kids get today?

The ‘stressed-out shouty’ parent, the ‘calm and patient’ one, or the ‘not-really-there-pre-occupied-with-work’ one?[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]We do our best, but some days we most definitely fall short of the mark, meaning that our kids don’t know where they stand half the time (we don’t even know where we stand half the time!).[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”does it have to be like that?” font_container=”tag:h4|font_size:24|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner][vc_column_text]Not necessarily, however, in order to produce different results, a different way of thinking is required.[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”8641″ img_size=”full”][vc_separator color=”white”][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_custom_heading text=”so, where to start?” font_container=”tag:h4|font_size:24|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]In a previous life, one half of the Lifehacksforkids team (Dominic), was a Financial Planner. His job was to help individual clients achieve their financial goals in life. He noticed that clients financial behaviour was often very much at odds with their stated aims and goals, which meant that they didn’t get the results that they wanted.

Over the course of 17 years and after much research, trial and error, Dominic found that instead of starting from an external goal as most planners did, the best results were achieved when he started from the inside and worked out.

In practice, this involved a detailed examination of the values of each client, finding out what was important to them, what really made them tick and then using these values to help formulate their financial plan.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”why values?” font_container=”tag:h4|font_size:24|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Values are the essence of who you are, they are the big themes that drive your thoughts, decisions, judgement and behaviour.

Although your values are the motivation behind everything that you do, for the most part, they remain hidden in the unconscious mind. We only tend to notice them when something happens that triggers an emotional response. Even then, it’s often not clear to us why, or what value has been triggered.

So in order to gain a greater understanding of who you are as a person, it pays to know what you value. This is equally true of parenting as it is with financial planning, or anything else for that matter.[/vc_column_text][vc_cta h2=”” style=”custom” add_button=”right” btn_title=”take our course” btn_style=”custom” btn_custom_background=”#ce879f” btn_custom_text=”#ffffff” btn_align=”right” custom_background=”#58646d” btn_link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Flifehacksforkids.co.uk%2Fcourse%2Fparent-design-1-values%2F||target:%20_blank”]ready to find out more about your parenting values?[/vc_cta][vc_custom_heading text=”the benefits of being clear on your values and using them to plan” font_container=”tag:h4|font_size:24|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Knowing your values provides you with some very significant benefits.

  1. Having a clear understanding of the sort of parent you want to be, provides you with a behavioural framework for when the going gets tough, meaning that you act true to who you are rather than just a knee-jerk reaction based on how you feel at the time.

  2. Putting your key values at the heart of what you do day to day means that you will focus on the things that matter and not get drawn into doing the things that don’t.

  3. Having a clear understanding of what is important to you, means you have more time and gain more confidence. Now you are sure that you are doing the right thing for you and your family.

  4. Your behaviour becomes more consistent, not only do you feel better but your kids start to behave more consistently too. Their needs are being met, they know where they stand and through leading by example you are showing them how to live their lives.

Being clear about your values provides a framework, allows you focus on the things that matter, helps you behave consistently and gives you confidence when the going gets tough[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”so… what are your values around parenting?” font_container=”tag:h4|font_size:24|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]You knew this was coming didn’t you?

Have you ever taken the time out to think about this before?

Have you written them down, used them to plan, or made sure they were appropriate or relevant?

Have you used them to understand and improve your own behaviour and outcomes?

If not, now it’s time to start…[/vc_column_text][vc_cta h2=”” style=”custom” add_button=”right” btn_title=”take our course” btn_style=”custom” btn_custom_background=”#ce879f” btn_custom_text=”#ffffff” btn_align=”right” custom_background=”#58646d” btn_link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Flifehacksforkids.co.uk%2Fcourse%2Fparent-design-1-values%2F||target:%20_blank”]ready to find out more about your parenting values? take our course for free (until the end of July 2016).[/vc_cta][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Leave a Reply