[vc_row row_type=”1″][vc_column css=”.vc_custom_1488452484325{background-color: #203e4a !important;}”][vc_empty_space height=”35px”][vc_custom_heading text=”Hope.” font_container=”tag:h1|text_align:center|color:%23ffffff” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_empty_space height=”35px”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][vc_column width=”10/12″][vc_empty_space height=”35px”][vc_column_text]The final part of the perseverance jigsaw; hope. It’s how you can keep going tomorrow, even though today wasn’t your best. This is where the attributes and qualities of grit come into play. In our GRIT BOOTCAMP for your kids, we break these down into 12 key attributes that kids need to develop:[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”11566″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

Each week in the bootcamp we email you exercises and tasks that your kids can do, so as to experience and learn what these mean. In the act of doing, your kids will learn valuable skills and techniques that they will be able to draw on time and time again in their future.

Below, we highlight 4 of these and give you some ideas as to how you can go about instilling these in your kids.[/vc_column_text][vc_btn title=”FIND OUT MORE ABOUT OUR RESILIENCE BOOTCAMP FOR YOUR KIDS” style=”outline-custom” outline_custom_color=”#203e4a” outline_custom_hover_background=”#ce879f” outline_custom_hover_text=”#ffffff” shape=”square” align=”center” i_icon_fontawesome=”fa fa-file-text” add_icon=”true”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/6″][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/6″]

1. optimistic nature

[/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/6″]

2. deal with failure

[/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/6″]

3. quality of thoughts

[/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/6″]

4. learn to take risks

[/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/6″][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator color=”custom” el_width=”10″ accent_color=”#ce879f”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”10/12″]

1. optimistic nature

[vc_column_text]Having an optimistic disposition is very important when it comes to developing resilience and grit. Believing that tomorrow can be better than today is critical if you are going to put the effort into overcoming obstacles in your way, so, how can you help your child to develop an optimistic outlook?[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”mind your language” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Here we are going to give your listening skills a test, why not ask the kids to join in too. You want to listen out for the language that you (and they) use and how positive or negative it is.

You want to listen out for words such as: CAN’T, WON’T & DON’T.

Whenever you hear that word, make sure that you add the word YET at the end of the sentence.

I can’t do this homework”…”YET

It won’t make any difference” …”YET

It don’t like this” …”YET

Now sometimes, the sentence won’t make total sense, it doesn’t matter because what you are doing is creating an anchor whereby each time the words can’t, won’t, or don’t are said, you will automatically say the word yet- even if it’s in your head. Also it can help to trigger a discussion around how your child (or you) has framed a particular situation.

Can’t, won’t, or don’t are words used to frame a situation negatively, associating the word YET with them, re-frames the situation positively.

We do this at home, and the kids get annoyed. Unfortunately for them, I quite enjoy being a pain… I know that I’m creating neural networks that will always help them to think of the word YET, after a negative thought or saying!

Try it. If you get them involved so that they are shouting it out whenever you say it, it’s much more fun.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”learn to be happy” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]This might sound a little odd, but only because our society has developed a way of thinking about happiness that is completely the wrong way round. We think that happiness exists outside of ourselves and that if we do/buy/achieve X then as a result we will be happy.

Dead wrong.

Happiness is a state not a goal and research into positive psychology has proved that if you put happiness first, then you are much more likely to achieve your goals and objectives i.e. the things that you wanted in the first place. We recommend watching the Ted talk by Shawn Achor below.

So how can you be happier?

Thankfully happiness is something you can achieve by actively working at it so below we have 3 ideas you can do with your kids:

  1. Watch the Ted talk (below) by David Steindhl-Rast and learn the importance of gratitude and how you can incorporate this into your life.

  2. Want to be happy? There’s an app for that. We love happify for this. It has lots of science-based activities and games you can do to improve your happiness.

  3. Take our happiness challenge– 7 activities for you to do with your kids each day for a week, that we guarantee will increase your happiness.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”5/12″][vc_raw_html]JTNDaWZyYW1lJTIwc3JjJTNEJTIyaHR0cHMlM0ElMkYlMkZlbWJlZC50ZWQuY29tJTJGdGFsa3MlMkZkYXZpZF9zdGVpbmRsX3Jhc3Rfd2FudF90b19iZV9oYXBweV9iZV9ncmF0ZWZ1bCUyMiUyMHdpZHRoJTNEJTIyNDUwJTIyJTIwaGVpZ2h0JTNEJTIyMzE1JTIyJTIwZnJhbWVib3JkZXIlM0QlMjIwJTIyJTIwc2Nyb2xsaW5nJTNEJTIybm8lMjIlMjB3ZWJraXRBbGxvd0Z1bGxTY3JlZW4lMjBtb3phbGxvd2Z1bGxzY3JlZW4lMjBhbGxvd0Z1bGxTY3JlZW4lM0UlM0MlMkZpZnJhbWUlM0U=[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”5/12″][vc_raw_html]JTNDaWZyYW1lJTIwc3JjJTNEJTIyaHR0cHMlM0ElMkYlMkZlbWJlZC50ZWQuY29tJTJGdGFsa3MlMkZzaGF3bl9hY2hvcl90aGVfaGFwcHlfc2VjcmV0X3RvX2JldHRlcl93b3JrJTIyJTIwd2lkdGglM0QlMjI0NTAlMjIlMjBoZWlnaHQlM0QlMjIzMTUlMjIlMjBmcmFtZWJvcmRlciUzRCUyMjAlMjIlMjBzY3JvbGxpbmclM0QlMjJubyUyMiUyMHdlYmtpdEFsbG93RnVsbFNjcmVlbiUyMG1vemFsbG93ZnVsbHNjcmVlbiUyMGFsbG93RnVsbFNjcmVlbiUzRSUzQyUyRmlmcmFtZSUzRQ==[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][vc_column width=”10/12″]

2. deal with failure

[vc_column_text]This is a biggy. Failure is a tough one to cope with alright.

It’s difficult as an adult, let alone as a kid to separate emotion from the event, and failure comes with a whole lot of emotions… none of ’em good.

So, how on earth can we help our kids to get back up again after being knocked down?[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”let them screw up” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]It’s tempting isn’t it?… not even sure why we do it, but the urge to step in and help or shield your kid from mistakes and failure is often overwhelming and I’m as guilty as the next person.

However, this isn’t really helping my kids at all. I’m getting better at it though as kids need to experience failure if they are going to learn how to deal with it.

So, the next time they screw up, don’t solve it for them.

Whether that been spilling a drink at the table or failing an exam, let them solve the problem (unless it’s serious).

By all means facilitate by asking questions to help stimulate solutions but allow them to come up with their own answers, but, stepping in and solving it for them is just denying them valuable experience.

If it’s a bit more serious than spilling something, then it’s worth asking, how they feel about it and what they’ve learnt from it too.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”see it for what it really is” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Positive Psychologist Martin Seligman talks about the 3 P’s we do when faced with failure:

Personal: I’ve failed… so I’m a failure.

Pervasive: I’ve failed this time so I’ll probably fail every time.

Permanent: I’ve failed this once, so I’ll probably fail all the time.

Knowing that this is a potential process, we want to cut this off at the pass, by helping our kids see the failure for what it really is.

Sheryl Sandberg’s graduation address- think how much worse it could be… counter-intuitive but if you go worse, suddenly reality is better.

Probably need to deal with the emotion of it 1st, however, how you approach this will differ according to the personality type of your kid.

You could ask them to give you the answer… Under what circumstances could you be prepared to not see this as a failure?

You can reverse the process by asking one simple question: what was good about what happened?

We have a 5 question process that will help your child see any situation as a positive learning experience:

  1. What was good about that?

  2. What did you learn?

  3. How would you do it better next time?

  4. How could you use this in your life?

  5. How will this solution help you?

For more on how to use these questions and the theory behind them please read this.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”systematic de-sensitisation” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]This means that you get your kids used to failure by systematically de-sensitising them to it. How do you do that?

This idea we got from Spanx creator Sara Blakley, whose father used to ask her and her brother what they’d failed at each week.

If they couldn’t think of anything then he’d be disappointed, but if they had failed at something, he used to give them a high five.

It’s not enough just to ask our kids if they have failed at something, Blakey’s father did two very important things when his kids told him they’d failed.

First of all,he created his own ‘reward system’, so failure was celebrated as a success and not having failed was in fact, a failure.

Secondly,he taught his children to re-frame their failure as a learning opportunity. He would ask them to tell him about their failure and then write down what they had learned from the experience.

Blakey attributes this systematic desensitisation in large part to her success.

We love this idea, in fact, we have Failure Fridays in our house where we ask the kids each week what they failed at and most importantly, what they learned from it.[/vc_column_text][vc_btn title=”WANT MORE GREAT IDEAS ON HOW TO BUILD GRIT IN YOUR KIDS? CHECK OUT OUR RESILIENCE BOOTCAMP” style=”outline-custom” outline_custom_color=”#203e4a” outline_custom_hover_background=”#ce879f” outline_custom_hover_text=”#ffffff” shape=”square” align=”center” i_icon_fontawesome=”fa fa-file-text” add_icon=”true”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row parallax=”” parallax_image=”” video_fullscreen=”true” video_url=”” video_type=”video/youtube”][vc_column]

3. quality of thoughts

[vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”10/12″][vc_column_text]The quality of your internal dialogue determines the quality of your life. Change your thoughts change your life, is very true, but how can we do this in practice?[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”train your brain to ask the right type of question” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]The right type of question begins with a HOW or a WHAT.

The wrong type of question begins with a WHY.

Why don’t we like WHY?

Because as I am demonstrating here, it is a question structure that requires answers that are reasons that justify the question.

Nothing wrong with this in the appropriate situation, however, if we want to help our kids to move forward with their thinking, we need questions that produce solutions not justifications, so:

“Why am I no good at this?” becomes “How can I get better at this?”

“Why can’t I get this right?” becomes “What can I do differently that will help me do this better?”

“Why do I always fail” becomes “What steps can I take to improve my performance?”

You get the picture.

So next time you here your child ask a “WHY” question, why not help them to rephrase it into a WHAT or a HOW?

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”give yourself extra choices” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]One of the problems with being ‘stuck’ is that you have created a box or way of thinking around a problem. Once you have done this, like escaping from a locked room, it can be very tricky to find a way out.

Anything that trains our brains to look for options, choices and solutions is good in our opinion, these all help you to avoid constructing the mental walls that often leave people stuck.

Our favourite ideas here come from James Altucher, who if you haven’t read yet, we urge you to do so.

He talks about solving problems like a Chess Grandmaster, who before making a chess move, will assess ALL of the options and potential outcomes available to them.

The key is to give your brain new thoughts and information, the more options you can give it, the better the solution you are likely to get.

Start by writing the problem at the top of a page. The problem needs to be framed in a way where you come up with solutions and not excuses/ reasons. For example, ‘Why can’t we all get ready on time in the morning?’ should be phrased ‘How can we make sure that we all get ready on time in the morning?’.

The next step is to make a list of ALL of the options available to you, even if they sound ridiculous. It’s important to really make your brain sweat, so try to come up with at least 20 options, that way you force your thinking outside of the box that your brain has put around it. And oftentimes, the best solution is one of the last couple you think of, it’s almost like your brain rewards to for putting in all that work![/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row parallax=”” parallax_image=”” video_fullscreen=”true” video_url=”” video_type=”video/youtube”][vc_column]

4. appropriate risk

[vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”10/12″][vc_column_text]The way of the world these days is that we tend to mollycoddle our kids, we want to protect them and we want to build their confidence and self-esteem.

The problem with this approach is that they don’t get to experience failure, until it really hits them and they don’t know their boundaries or limits.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”do it themselves” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]No more D.I.Y. at least not for you, your new motto is D.I.T. Do It Themselves.

Our message here is STOP HELPING THEM. Let them do stuff, mess up, and LEARN.

As frustrating as it might be to watch, and as tempting as it might be to step in- DON’T.

And when they ask you for solutions/ help, ask then to come up with them. Giving them the answers and doing stuff for them is depriving them of valuable life-lessons.

From loading the dishwasher, and helping to clean the house, to playing a computer game and getting themselves ready for school. Let them do stuff, they’ll become self-sufficient and learn how to solve their own problems, both key elements of developing grit.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”do something dangerous” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]One way you can facilitate this process that we love is to get them to do something dangerous, and for this we love Fifty Dangerous Things.

With great and crazy ideas like using power tools to driving a car, it’s great practice to let kids ‘feel the fear’ and just bloody do it anyway.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/4″][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_btn title=”PREVIOUS: PURPOSE” style=”outline-custom” outline_custom_color=”#ce879f” outline_custom_hover_background=”#203e4a” outline_custom_hover_text=”#ffffff” shape=”square” align=”center” i_icon_fontawesome=”fa fa-file-text” add_icon=”true” link=”url:http%3A%2F%2Flifehacksforkids.co.uk%2Fgrit-find-your-purpose%2F||”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″][vc_btn title=”NEXT: SUMMARY” style=”outline-custom” outline_custom_color=”#203e4a” outline_custom_hover_background=”#ce879f” outline_custom_hover_text=”#ffffff” shape=”square” align=”center” i_icon_fontawesome=”fa fa-file-text” add_icon=”true”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][vc_column width=”10/12″][vc_text_separator title=”Footnotes”][vc_column_text]You can buy the book 50 Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do), here. (affiliate link).[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row]