[vc_row row_type=”1″][vc_column css=”.vc_custom_1488452484325{background-color: #203e4a !important;}”][vc_empty_space height=”35px”][vc_custom_heading text=”Find your purpose.” font_container=”tag:h1|text_align:center|color:%23ffffff” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_empty_space height=”35px”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][vc_column width=”10/12″][vc_empty_space height=”35px”][vc_column_text]

A key attribute amongst the most successful is that at some point in their journey, what they do becomes more than just about them- they find a purpose. In her book, Duckworth explains the pathway that gritty people follow, which is:

self-orientated interest  self-disciplined practice   integration with other-centred purpose

In other words, in order to make the leap from interest and practice to having the motivation to become really good at something, you have to find a goal that is bigger than personal gratification. Each person will have their own motivation, so as well as doing it for themselves, they might be doing it for their family, or their parents, friends, or country.

This is called ‘intrinsic motivation’ and there is lots of research to confirm that people who are motivated in this way, perform better in every situation, period.

So how do we activate intrinsic motivation with our kids, how do we help them to find their purpose?

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text][/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”3 ways to find purpose” font_container=”tag:h2|text_align:center|color:%23203e4a” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_separator color=”custom” el_width=”10″ accent_color=”#ce879f”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/12″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/3″]

1. reflection

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2. connect to your values

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3. inspiration

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1. reflection

[vc_column_text]The point of reflection is to allow your child to think about what they are doing in a way that allows them to make the connection between themselves and something or someone else.

As a parent, there are a number of ways that you can facilitate your child to re-frame the way they think about what they do.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”find out their why” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_separator color=”custom” el_width=”10″ accent_color=”#58646d”][vc_column_text]The older the kid and perhaps the later on down the line they are, you can simply ask:

Q: What is it about doing X that appeals to you?

A: I like it because Y

Q: And what is it about Y that you like?

A: I like Y because it allows me to do Z

Q: Sounds cool, and what do you enjoy about Z?

You get the picture.

You might be lucky and hit the jackpot fairly quickly, however, in our experience you need to probe further, possibly up to 10 or so questions.

So, keep going until you get to a level of understanding where you uncover other-centred orientation.

This is a great exercise and it’s really worthwhile writing down the answers as they are a window into the thought processes that are running through your kid’s mind and can help you to uncover and remind them of their motivation.

We’ve created a little mini-quiz that your child can do here. TYPEFORM VERSION OF THIS[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”make the connection” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_separator color=”custom” el_width=”10″ accent_color=”#58646d”][vc_column_text]Another way of doing this (works better with younger kids) is the concentric circles. Start with your kid in the middle, next ring is / immediate family/ family and friends/ city/ country/ society/ the world.


What is the benefit to me of this?

What is the benefit to my family? My extended family? My classmates? My friends? etc…

How does what you are doing help to benefit each group? It may not hit all the buttons (not the point) but it will hit some. Even if it’s for their (other group)  pleasure/ enjoyment/ entertainment- that’s still a benefit.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”the type of person you are” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_separator color=”custom” el_width=”10″ accent_color=”#58646d”][vc_column_text]Positive future self-identity that connects squarely with today.What do you want to be when you grow up- and why?What do you want to be when you grow up- and why? Maybe ask your younger kid this question?

What do you want to be when you grow up- and why? Maybe ask your younger kid this question?

Ask them what sort of qualities that person has.

Any job that you can think of has a connection to something outside it, there is a benefit to others in some way.

Need to think this thru- pilot/ policeman/ journalist all ‘help’ others in some way.

How does this connect though?

You could ask your child what sort of person do you wish to become?

Talk to your kids about your own work and how that fills you with purpose, or not?

We also like Tony Robbins’ idea of forward projecting to when you are an old person. Picture yourself sitting there talking to your grandkids about your life, what would your future self, say to your current self?

Sort of timeline therapy… Picture yourself sitting there talking to your grandkids about your life, what would your future self, say to your current self?

Look back at all the connections you’ve made.

How did they happen?

Not sure about this section… maybe it needs to be about jeopardy, rather than qualities- re-read TOOLS and see what it says.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row parallax=”” parallax_image=”” video_fullscreen=”true” video_url=”” video_type=”video/youtube”][vc_column]

2. connect to your values

[vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”10/12″][vc_column_text]This is a significant thing to do.Values are an untapped and often hidden resource, that if used correctly can make a huge difference to life.

They are your guiding compass.

Making that connection between who you are/ what is important to you and how your activity fits into that can prove to be a significant step.

How does what you do relate to your inner values?

Not sure what they are- take this free mini-course to find out.

  1. What’s important to me about my life?
  2. Rank them in order of importance 1-10
  3. What’s important to me about X (golf/ school/ sewing/ etc…)
  4. Rank them in order of importance 1-10

See where the connections are- what and where are the overlaps? How does X fit in with what you are doing overall?[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row parallax=”” parallax_image=”” video_fullscreen=”true” video_url=”” video_type=”video/youtube”][vc_column][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/12″][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”10/12″]

3. inspiration

[vc_column_text]Duckworth talks about finding inspiration from other people and becoming accountable. We like this concept and we have highlighted below, some of the ways that you can do this.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”find a model” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]In her book, Duckworth talks about a model as being someone who can inspire you to be a better version of yourself, we’ve come up with 3 types of people that you might want to hunt for:

Someone who has been there and you can learn from, that you know: This might be their coach or existing teacher, or maybe they can put you in touch with someone that they know. The point being, you need to find someone successful and who has a purpose.

Someone who has been there and you can learn from, that you don’t know: Neil deGrasse Tyson writing to Carl Sagan or 6 degrees of separation, you are only 6 steps away from being connected to anyone else on the planet. This is not a bad habit to get into anyway, it’s amazing what happens if you ask. People can only say no.

Someone in an unrelated field but who has succeeded especially in the sense of other-person orientation: In the book Duckwoth mentions the work of Bill Damon who talks about finding a purposeful role model- doesn’t matter who or if it’s an unrelated matter- just someone who proves that it’s possible to accomplish something on behalf of others. There also needs to be a connection made- kid needs to see how THEY can make a difference.

So…who is there that can help inspire your kid to be a better version of themselves?

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”model an expert” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]This idea we got from Tony Robins. When he wants to learn something new, he finds the best person in that particular field and models them. He analyses their behaviour, their thoughts, actions, physiology, how they practice etc… basically everything in order to understand what it is that they do that makes them the best.

So, why not research the best people in your kid’s interest. Find any information you can from articles, interviews, biographies, autobiographies, find out what they do and how they do it.

For example, if I wanted to become a top class basketball player, I would look at successful players and model them. So Michael Jordan used to get up at 6am each morning and practice, he used to have to make X number of baskets before he finished training. Or Kobe Bryant, who had a work ethic that set him apart. http://www.ocregister.com/articles/bryant-725521-team-game.html

What are the key things that they do that make the difference, and then copy that.

Does this really help you find a purpose?

NO[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”become a model” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:center|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]This is an interesting switch on the find a model thought- become one yourself.

This does two things:

  1. Someone who looks up to you that is relying on you to deliver- and therefore your actions become accountable which can have a knock-on effect on responsibility/ maturity/ performance- don’t want to let anyone down. Your purpose is about someone else.

  2. Helps you to understand what you do. There’s nothing like passing on your own knowledge in helping you to truly understand what it is that you do- you have to have clarity in order to teach it to someone else.

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