How to grow a confident child. guest post
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner][vc_custom_heading text=”guest author” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text]Edward F. Omran is a Thrive Consultant Psychologist, who specialises in helping people to live fuller and more complete lives by changing their limiting beliefs. So we thought this would be a perfect opportunity to get some tips on how parents can instil confidence and improve self-esteem in their children. You can check out Thrive with Edward here.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”how to grow a confident child” font_container=”tag:h2|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]For your child to have lifelong mental health and social happiness, self-esteem and confidence are essential. They are the foundation of well-being and regardless of age, how we feel about ourselves affects how we act and the outcomes we get in life. But the question is, how do you help to raise a confident child, who feels good about themselves?[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”parents are the key” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Parents are the main source of a child’s sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, most of the behavioural problems that I see as a psychologist and therapist originate from poor self-value in parents, this is then inadvertently passed on and taught to children.

Detailed below are 7 practical things that any parent can start doing today, that if done consistently, will help to develop their child’s confidence and sense of self-worth. In this way, parents can start to lay the foundations for their child’s future in a positive and proactive manner.[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”8672″ img_size=”full”][vc_empty_space][vc_custom_heading text=”7 strategies that will help your kids to build their confidence” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_empty_space][vc_column_text]

1. Let your child take healthy risks.

To build confidence outside the home, kids have to take chances, make choices and take responsibility for them. Too many parents are constantly trying to rescue their kids from failure, this only teaches them that they cannot be trusted to do it themselves and can lead to a learned helplessness which will be detrimental in all aspects of life.

The home can be a safe environment where a child can learn how to take risks. Confidence comes from doing, from trying and failing and trying again- from practice. So the next time you are about to say “Watch out” “Be careful” or, “Don’t do that”, as long as it’s not life-threatening, stop yourself and let your child find out for themselves.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

2. Allow them to make their own choices. 

When they make their own age-appropriate choices, they feel more powerful and it’s never too early to start- children as young as two can begin to understand the consequences of their decisions. 

Try letting them decide on their own whether to wear a coat, hat and gloves in winter. Once they know the difference between warm and cold, it is up to them. They should have control over their bodies and take responsibility for their choices.

For some more ideas on age appropriate choices you can read this article or this one.[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”9974″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]

image credit: collective evolution

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3. Let them help around the house.

In building self-esteem, kids also need chances to demonstrate their competence, confidence, and self-esteem are built by doing stuff and getting good at it. A simple way to do this is by asking them to help around the home so they can feel as though they are making a valuable contribution.

Ask them even as toddlers, to help with cooking, setting the table and making beds. Encourage them to take on tasks they show interest in, then make sure they follow through to completion. It doesn’t matter what the task, the point is for them to stick with what they start, so they can feel that accomplishment at the end.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

4. Help them learn how to fail.

So many people believe that when children struggle or fail their self-esteem plummets, but it’s actually a golden opportunity to help build it, with the right mindset.
Set your values on how much effort they put into tasks, rather than results, effort is within their control, results aren’t always. This also makes it clear to them that your love is unconditional and that you love them even when they fail or make bad decisions. If all you talk about is performance, they will think you only love them for their school report card, or the lead part that they got.[/vc_column_text]

Check out our post on teaching your kids how to fail here.

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5. Teach them how to set goals.

Make sure your child’s goals are within reach, and achievable and yet slightly challenging to accommodate growth. As every small step conquered will build on self-belief and a sense of power. Whereas setting a goal too high and failing can sometimes have the adverse effect.[/vc_column_text]

For our Lifehacksforkids version of how to teach kids to set goals- read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

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6. Remind them of the good times.

Why not help your child to keep a file of their achievements and positive experiences. When they’ve had a bad day, take out the file and go through it with them, an instant way to feel better about themselves.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

7. Offer appropriate praise.

Although praise is often misused, when it’s specific and earned, it is a valuable self-esteem builder. However, praising when it’s not really justified e.g. telling your child she/he is doing a great job, even if they’re not, can actually erode self-esteem and confidence.

By praising in this way your child learns not to trust their own instincts, they could learn that praise is just flat-out lying. You also lower their bar by effectively telling them that they no longer need to push themselves.

There is also the risk of setting them up for disappointment down the road when they eventually discover (the hard way) that their ‘masterpieces’ are in fact just scribbles. This isn’t to say that one shouldn’t compliment and encourage children, but it should be done in a balanced and authentic manner.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”in conclusion” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Self-esteem and confidence come from feeling loved and secure, and from developing competence. As parents, the first two ingredients are something we automatically provide, but competence isn’t something we can generate in our children. As much as we may want to, we can’t praise our kids into competence. Becoming good at things takes time, effort and practice.

By using some of the ideas above regularly with your children, over time you will help to build their self-esteem and confidence, doing your bit to help them develop into successful adults.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”thrive with edward” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]If you would like to know more about the ‘Conquering Life’ programme and how Thrive with Edward can help you to transform your life, please contact Edward here, and as a Lifehacksforkids reader, you will receive £100 off.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_raw_html]JTNDaWZyYW1lJTIwd2lkdGglM0QlMjIzNTIlMjIlMjBoZWlnaHQlM0QlMjIzMTUlMjIlMjBzcmMlM0QlMjJodHRwcyUzQSUyRiUyRnd3dy55b3V0dWJlLmNvbSUyRmVtYmVkJTJGVFdjeGFjclpIVU0lMjIlMjBmcmFtZWJvcmRlciUzRCUyMjAlMjIlMjBhbGxvd2Z1bGxzY3JlZW4lM0UlM0MlMkZpZnJhbWUlM0U=[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row]