The Parent by Design Program

Transform Your Parenting in 90 Days.

The 10 BIG Ideas.

welcome

Here are the 10 big takeaways that parents get from the program.

Enjoy.

Dominic.

get in touch

If you would like to talk to me about any aspect of this program (or parenting) then please get in touch. Whether you buy Parent by Design or not, I'll be happy to help.

WhatsApp / Email / Fb messenger

    the 10 big ideas

    idea 1: parenting by instinct does you and your child a disservice

    Can you honestly think of any other serious undertaking in life that we approach the same way we parent our kids?

    Imagine the look on the bank managers face when you casually mention your strategy to repay the mortgage is 'hoping things will turn out ok!' Forget the 10,000-hour rule. Most of us spend more time researching our summer holiday than we do learning how to be a better parent. 

    I'm being flippant, but you get my point. 

    By just 'winging it', not only are we letting our kids down we are also letting ourselves down. The problem is, good enough isn't really good enough, not anymore, anyway. Not if you want to raise kids equipped with the psychological flexibility, emotional resilience and confidence required to express themselves and thrive in the world.

    I'm not saying this to be controversial or to pile on the guilt. I'm coming from a place of understanding, love and compassion; I've been there too. 

    I know the self-doubt, the anxiety and the worry that stems from thinking that you aren't doing enough, that you are failing them in some way. That nagging feeling that you should be doing more, without knowing exactly what that is.

    I also know that another version of you is possible.

    You can be a more present, more engaged, more loving, more understanding and more supportive parent.

    Like anything else in life that's worthwhile, this does require a bit of effort. Being a Parent by Design is not difficult work, but it is different.

    Rather than focus on what to do, you'll work out what sort of parent you want to BE instead. It's how you show up that matters. This deep, inside work will give you access to your inner wisdom, so you can create your very own parenting blueprint, a state of BEING for you to come from.

    I'll also help you to understand what your kids need from you to thrive. No more worrying about 'doing more' or 'failing' them. Instead, you'll help them to build psychological resilience and develop confidence in who they are and their capacity to express that.

    It's my experience that you don't just have to just settle for 'Well. I did the best I could.' You can strive to BE the parent you are capable of BEING instead. As Maya Angelou said:

    • Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

    Now is the perfect opportunity for you to know and do better.

    idea 2: be a champion for their unique magnificence

    There are 7.9 billion people alive right now, 117 billion to have ever lived, and your child is unlike any single one of them. You have helped to bring into this world a beautiful, incredible and unique soul. And what messages do we, as a society and as parents, bombard this perfect one-of-a-kind expression of humanity with?

    I know why we do it. I'm guilty of it myself. We call it pragmatism, but if we are honest, it's just fear. And the ultimate result is a lesser, diluted, shadow version of who our kids are and have the potential to be. It's little wonder then that the number one regret of the dying is:

    • I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

    That's not just sad, it's tragic. Our one chance to dance on this planet, and we blow it.

    So, why not be the one voice in their world that is a champion for their unique magnificence? In this program, you'll learn how to help your child develop the confidence needed to express themselves fully. I'll show you how to provide the right conditions to support them as they develop the courage required to be someone who can contribute to the world in their own unique way: to make a difference.

    After all, there's room in the garden for every type of flower.

    idea 3: it's better to be a thermostat than a thermometer

    Most of us live life in THERMOMETER mode: we get sucked in by other people's energy or the energy of the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Kids are especially good at keeping us in thermometer mode, like beautiful little black holes for our time, attention and energy.

    THERMOSTAT mode is different.

    When you decide in advance the sort of person and parent you want to be, you set the temperature for your life and the people around you. When you get clear on how you want to show up in the world, you are much less likely to be sucked into anyone else's energy because you are calibrated to your own.

    I will show you how to commit to being a THERMOSTAT, not a THERMOMETER. You'll learn how to embody the sort of person and parent you want to be, how to calibrate to your POWER so that life has no choice but to meet you where you are.

    The circumstances of your life do not define you. It is who you are BEING in the face of those circumstances that defines you. And when you begin to approach life from that understanding and mindset, witness your whole world begin to shift.

    idea 4: with great power come great responsibility

    You create your kids.
    We tend not to think about it like that, but the fact of the matter is, we are instrumental in shaping the sort of person our children become. 
    I'm not sure that we truly realise just how significant our role is, so here are some of the ways that you create your child:

    • the act of creation- obviously
    • through their genetic makeup
    • through the home environment that you create
    • through the hundreds of thousands of direct and indirect interactions you have with them over the years

    Through your way of BEING:

    • to the extent that you are the full expression of all YOU can be
    • through your identity- the sort of person you think that you are
    • through your values (what's important to you about life) and how you communicate them
    • through your beliefs about what you (and they) are capable of
    • through your presence and attention
    • through your interest in them
    • through your thoughts and feelings in the moment

    Through your way of SEEING:

    • the context you create for how life shows up for you
    • the context you create for how their life shows up for them
    • your beliefs about how the world works (for you and for them)
    • how you see specific situations
    • how you see them as individuals

    Through your way of DOING:

    • what you say and don't say to them
    • how you behave towards them- what you DO and just as importantly, DON'T DO
    • through your reactions to them and their behaviour
    • how you praise and criticise them and what you praise and criticise them for

    Imagine harnessing the power of all of these interactions to help create your child deliberately and purposefully.

    This is possible, but first, you need to get clear on:

    • The parent you want to be: what does the best parental version of you look like? And how does that version show up for your kids?
    • The sort of child you want to help co-create. What are the attributes, qualities and values you wish them to have? 
    • The parent that your child needs you to be. How well do you accept and understand them? How best to nourish their potential and support them as they grow and develop?

    If you are anything like I was, you probably haven't given much thought to questions like these either. I call this parenting by default.
    You can't do anything about how you have gone about creating your kids before reading this.
    That time has gone.
    But from this point onward, you do have another option, you can Parent by Design instead.

    idea 5: in life, you don't get what you want you get who you ARE

    When we don't get the results we want, our instinct is DO something different: work harder, change strategy, learn a new skill, etc. But, our capacity for DOING will always be limited by our sense of BEING: 

    • who we think we are 
    • what we think we are capable of
    • the way we think the world works and our place in it

    These are the unwritten, often hidden, personal rules we have for how life works for us. Taking action contrary to our sense of BEING is akin to breaking one of these rules. This is why meaningful long-term change is so difficult.

    But, it cuts much deeper than that. 

    Your rule book permeates your life and your ability to parent way more than you might think. Here's a personal example using one of my rules or limiting beliefs: I'm not good enough.

    It's a common limiting belief, an idea a lot of us take on in childhood. But the idea that I'm not good enough doesn't just sit there in the background waiting to spring into action; it is always on. 

    This belief influences everything: how I see the world, how I interact with it, how I behave, what I say, the decisions I make.

    I am literally creating my life through this idea of not being good enough, and guess what sort of results I get.

    Yep.

    And what do those results confirm back to me?

    You've guessed it again... that I'm not good enough.

    But here's the other thing that I hadn't quite realised... I am creating my kids through the I'm not good enough lens too. How I am with them, what I say or don't say, what I do or don't do, how I think about them is shaped by I'm not good enough.

    How I parent them too: my advice to them; what I'm telling them about how the world works and their place in it; how I see them; helps them to take 'I'm not good enough' on as a rule  for themselves.

    They are learning how to BE not good enough themselves, from me. As Carl Jung said:

    • Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.

    When you work on who you are BEING instead of what you are DOING, you create such massive shifts in your world. It allows you to go beyond your limiting story. And because you show up differently you also help your child develop a sense of BEING that is not limiting for them and their life.

    idea 6: you're gonna screw 'em up, but you can screw 'em up less.

    This is me aged 10. (It was 1981 and I think my mum was still in charge of my haircuts.)

    I didn't know it at the time, but I'd already started to take onboard the ideas and beliefs that would shape my whole future. I wish I could say that these were all positive, but unfortunately as you'll no doubt know yourself, that's not the case.

    We all take on limiting beliefs like: I'm not good enough; I'm a failure; I don't belong; life is difficult; I can’t trust myself, others, or the world; I'm powerless,; I need to be perfect; it always goes wrong for me. These ideas then become the hidden rules and structures that create the story of our lives.

    It's not that we don't have the capacity to create the lives we want, to be the parents we know we can be, it's just that holding these ideas limits the kind of future that's available to us.

    And just as this happened with me and you, it's happening to your child too.

    Right now.

    We'll never know or be able to control how our kids internalise the challenges or stressful circumstances they experience. And without doubt, despite our best efforts, we are going to be responsible for some of it... that just comes with the territory. But what you can do is provide a powerful counterbalance to this. A way of dealing with life that provides the conditions for your child to be as psychologically robust as possible. 

    This will provide them with a strong platform from which they will have the confidence to be able to express themselves fully in life. This is one of the key lessons in the program; you will learn how to help your child to write a better story for themselves. And, when you learn how to do this for your children and witness their transformation, you'll be able to apply it to you and your life too.

    a quick exercise for you...

    idea 7: what you see (them as) is what you get

    When you look at your child, you don't actually see them. When you listen to your child, you don't actually hear them. Instead, what you see and hear is the sum total of your opinions about them.

    Your past interactions, your beliefs about who they are and what they are capable of act as a filter. You don't see and hear them as they are, you see and hear them as who you already know them to be.

    Your child occurs to you as already known, whether you are consciously aware of it or not, who they truly are has long since been forgotten. Great parenting is about seeing past these limitations that you have imposed to the true person that lies beyond.

    The approach you will learn in this program is summed up best for me by this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: 

    • Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.

    I do this with my kids using  character strengths, the 24 positive personality traits that we all possess. When you see and then speak to the best parts of your child you can only bring out the best in them. They begin to see themselves in a positive light, as someone who already has traits such as, bravery, perseverance, creativity, hope, self-regulation and judgement.

    Seeing them through this lens helps them see themselves in this way too and gives them the confidence to be able to express these qualities. In the program I will show you exactly how to do this. 

    Be a champion for their greatness, believe in them more than they believe in themselves and watch what sort of human being develops in front of your own eyes.

    Because what you see (them as) is what you get.

    idea 8: when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change

    The parenting problems you have don't exist in isolation, like all the other problems in your life there is a common denominator = you. 

    This program isn't about 'fixing' any single problem you might have, you'll learn how you are creating them instead. All of them.

    I know that it looks and feels for all the world that our problems are real, and that something or someone else is at least partly responsible for them, but any problem you have ever had, have now, or will ever have, are ALL created by YOUR THINKING.

    We get so wrapped up in the content of the problem that we fail to see how we create them in the first place, and as you will see in a moment, you aren't living in a world of fact, you are living inside a world of fiction that you have created. 

    Let's try this out now.

    Get a piece of paper and draw a line straight down the middle.

    Now take a problem, it could be anything: something that you keep meaning to do but don't; or a problem with your child/ partner; or a problem at work.

    Now, write down on the left hand-side the cold, hard facts of the situation; ONLY THE FACTS, and be as specific as possible.

    And, on the right hand-side, write down the answers to the following questions:

    • STORY: what story have I created around these facts?
    • MEANING: what have I made this story mean?
    • ATTACHMENT: what is my personal stake in this story? What is it that I think I will lose? What does this story say about who I see myself as?
    • SUFFERING: what thoughts and feelings do I have as a result of this story?

    Your answers here are key, and when you probe them you'll find a whole network of ideas and beliefs you have that limit your potential in this world. I show you how to uncover these and what to do with this information in the program.

    Looking at your answers now, you might be shocked to notice just how much time, energy and emotion you have wrapped up inside a world that doesn't really exist. But for me, the most interesting questions to ask here are:

    • Who would I BE without this story?
    • What would I DO without this story?

    Here is where the gold lies.

    With your answers to these questions you can begin to see the possibility for who you can BE, not just as a parent, but also as a human being.

    here's a real life example of this in action

    idea 9: a better relationship with your child starts with a better relationship with yourself

    Imagine being in a relationship where you were totally accepted for who you were, you weren't judged in any way. Where the other person took the time to understand you for who you really are.

    Where your behaviour didn't change their love for you because they loved every single part of you unconditionally (warts and all). And on top of that, they trusted you completely, they believed in you more than you believed in yourself, and you had their total and unwavering support.

    Just close your eyes and sit with that for a moment... how does it feel? 

    Basking in the warmth and the glow of that every day, you couldn't help but flourish could you? In fact, it would be almost impossible not to.

    So, why do we have a relationship with ourselves that is the exact opposite of the one I just described? We are all riddled with guilt, self-judgement and self-doubt. We criticise and beat ourselves up, we self-sabotage, nothing we do is ever good enough. We don't trust ourselves or believe in ourselves fully, we don't feel good enough or worthy.

    The cost to you of holding on to these ideas is huge: 

    • true self-expression in your life
    • true self-expression as a parent
    • living a life that's not yours
    • living a life that's less than it has the potential to be
    • genuine happiness

    It's crazy really, because the TRUTH is:

    • There's nothing wrong with you, you are not broken, you are whole, you are full, you are complete.
    • You are valuable, you are worthy, you are loved and you are lovable.
    • You are perfect the way that you are and you are perfect the way that you are not.
    • There is nothing for you to do or to change, you are already enough.

    This is why I devote an entire workshop to helping you to see the walls of the mental prison that you have built for yourself. You'll learn how to drop the judgement that keeps these limited and limiting ideas in place.

    You'll be more compassionate, forgiving, understanding, supportive and loving with yourself. This is the catalyst creating the outcomes that you want in life.

    It's also the key to having a better relationship with your kids.

    idea 10: parenting by default vs parenting by design

    It looks like we are making parenting choices, but I'm not so sure. What we think of as choice is influenced by a whole host of factors, most of which lie hidden below the surface of our conscious awareness. Here are just some of them:

    To a large extent, our choices are already made for us. Like fish, we too are swimming in our own water without realising.

    Parenting by Design is different, because when you ask yourself questions like:

    • What sort of parent do I really want to be?
    • What is important to me about being a parent?
    • What sort of child would I like to help create?
    • What sort of parent does my child need me to be?

    You create your own parenting context, one that is independent of the aforementioned influencing factors. And when your parenting choices are truly coming from you:

    • You worry less about what others think.
    • You begin to listen to and trust yourself more.
    • You are clear about what's right for your kids and what isn't.
    • You know which battles to fight.
    • You'll know deep down whether you are making the right decisions or not.
    • You'll stop fretting over what you are doing for your kids, and concentrate on who you are BEING for them instead.

    And that's a lot more satisfying, meaningful and fulfilling, for you and for them. As Elizabeth Gilbert said:

    • True power comes from standing in your own truth and walking your own path.

    This is a powerful message, because when your child sees you as the full expression of who you can be, you inspire them and give them permission to do the same.

    I'm not here to try to convince you that I'm right or that what I say is true.

    All I ask is that you try the ideas on in this program, and see how the world looks to you when you do.

    Try the first workshop for FREE.

    ready to start?

    If you want to make this powerful change in your life, Parent by Design is a great fit and I will be very happy to work with you. How would you like to work with me?
    The Group Program starts the week beginning the 18th of October 2021. You will be able to choose your workshop times once you join the Facebook group.

    Individual Coaching


    6 x Workshops (Lifetime Access)

    Personal Activity Workbook

    6 x Post Workshop Coaching Sessions (1:1)

    2 x Program Follow Up Coaching Calls (1:1)

    Lifetime Facebook Group Support

    Live weekly FB group Q&A

    3 Months WhatsApp / Email Support


    £999  individual or £1299 for a couple

    Let's talk & see if this is a good fit for us both.

    Group Program


    6 x Workshops (Lifetime Access)

    Personal Activity Workbook

    -

    1 x Program Follow Up Coaching Call (1:1)

    12 Months Facebook Group Support

    Live weekly FB group Q&A

    ~


    £299 individual or £399 for a couple

    Contact me for payment options.

    I am absolutely confident that Parent by Design will be an immensely valuable experience for you and your family.
    Still, I want to be sure it is the right fit for you. So take 90 DAYS to check out the program. If for any reason you decide it is not for you, just let me know, and I will refund you- no questions asked.

    Dominic

    money back

    100%

    90 day guarantee

    still not sure?

    • Schedule a free conversation with me, I'll be happy to answer your questions.
    • Take the first workshop for free, that will give you a real taste for the program.

    q&a

    What is your refund policy?

    How much work is involved?

    How does it all work?

    How do I access the Workshops?

    Group Program vs Individual Coaching

    What support is there in the group?

    How long will the program take?

    What happens after 12 months?

    Who are you?

    © 2021 by Lifehacksforkids.co.uk.