Psychologist Nathaniel Branden famously said, “The first step toward change is awareness." so, we start with that and we recommend that you and your child watch the video below.

It's a fascinating insight as to what is happening to their brain, and it will help you both understand what to do when their emotions get the better of them.

We want our kids to do well and it's tempting to step in whenever they are about to 'screw up' and tell them what to do offer them our advice.  Or, when they've just made a mistake, we come riding to the rescue and show them how to do it 'properly'.

FEAR NOT CHILD... I AM HERE TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.

Unstructured play helps to strengthen the area of the brain (pre-frontal cortex) responsible for problem solving, planning, and regulating emotions, all of which are critical skills for RESILIENCE.

Why not make one evening each week a 'no screen' event and give unstructured play a chance to shine? 

This may not be the most popular decision ever, and there will be some resistance at first, but in our experience the kids soon find ways of entertaining themselves (funnily enough).

Criticism is a useful way to let your child know when they have done something wrong or that they need to correct course, however, done incorrectly it can have a long lasting damaging effect.

For example, let's imagine your child does something stupid:

You react and say:

1.  "You are stupid."
2. or you say "That was a stupid thing to do."

It might not look like much of a difference, but the psychological effect can be huge.

You ARE stupid' is criticism of them as a person.

'That was a stupid THING TO DO' is a criticism of their behaviour.

As far as criticism goes, you need to separate identity from behaviour, especially at this emotionally sensitive age.

By criticising their identity, your child will take this at face value, say this enough times and this then becomes a subconscious belief about who they are.

So, if you are going to criticise, criticise the behaviour.

If you do find yourself criticising then why not turn into a more positive outcome. The way to do this is to bring it back to character strengths; ask your child which character strength(s) they could use next time obtain a better outcome. 

If you turn these incidents around in a positive and constructive way then you will help your child to build a positive self-identity and they will develop self-compassion.

Once your child has decided what they want to do, then you can talk about the 'hard thing rule'.

Resilience is about experiencing the highs and the lows whilst knowing you are in it for the long run. We all have those moments when we want to give up, but the hard thing rule will teach your child not to “quit on a down day”.

TIP: For rule 3 above- the older your child the longer you should make them stick at it.

Research shows that being PRECISE about how you feel has many benefits from better performance at school to a longer, healthier life. 

​Being PRECISE with your emotional states means that you experience the world around you more accurately, it also helps you to have better relationships (with yourself and with others).

A rich and full emotional vocabulary gives your brain better (more precise) tools for dealing with the challenges you will face in your life.

We have created an activity that will explain to your child how emotions work and will help them to become more precise with their emotional language.