From your Values to a Plan- how to make your habits stick (New Year’s resolutions Pt 2). parenting
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]This is the second article in our series on how to be a better parent using your values- the first article can be found here and the first questionnaire here.[/vc_column_text]
stage 2

or if you are ready to jump right in

[vc_custom_heading text=”from my values to a plan of action” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]As somebody somewhere, once said… ‘hope is NOT a strategy’,  it’s now time to take the information gleaned from my values exercise and do something with it. In this article, I will explain how to go from writing down your parenting values to creating a robust action plan.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”being and doing values” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]The 3 questions from questionnaire 1 are designed to produce two different sorts of values:

  1. Doing Values- behavioural values like ‘spending time with the kids’

  2. Being Values- your values around what sort of parent you want to be e.g. ‘open, loving, caring’ etc…

So go back through your answers and highlight the values that stand out to you. Your DOING Values, will come from your answers to questions 1 & 2 and question 3 is all about your BEING Values. Now make a list of 3 in each category- which in my case is:[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”10439″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_empty_space][vc_custom_heading text=”time to choose” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]We are going to work on one value at a time, it makes sense to start with the one would have the biggest impact, which for me is going to be… be more present.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”what do i mean by this?” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]It’s no good just having a statement, like ‘be more present’. The statement is far too vague, so I actually have to define what I mean when I say that I want to ‘be more present’.

It’s absolutely worth spending some time defining this, clarity at this stage will help you to know if you’ve been successful later on down the line.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”and why is it important to me?” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]After ‘what?’ comes ‘why?’. Why is this particular value important to us.

We do this by asking ‘Why is this important?’ (funnily enough).

However, just asking this question once, doesn’t help us to uncover our deepest motivations, so we need to ask it a few times, which is going to sound a bit odd, but it really helps you get to what truly makes you tick.

So for each answer that you give to the question ‘Why is that important?’, you need to ask “Why is that important?”.

When do you stop?

Once you get to an answer that is a ‘because it’s who I am’ statement, you know that you’ve reached the end.

Now look back at your answers, you will notice that you have uncovered a trail of motivation leading to your innermost values.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”your best you” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Once we understand our true motivation, we now need a clear mental picture of what perfection looks like. The best way to do this is to either remember a specific time when you already did your goal to the best of your ability, or by imagining yourself doing it perfectly.

We will then examine this mental picture using our senses. Our senses are how we interpret the world, understanding how we sensorily represent ‘perfection’ in our chosen goal, will enable us to understand how to replicate it through our actions.

We do this in two ways:

  1. an internal representation- how we look/ think/ feel/ sound to ourselves when we do this perfectly

  2. an external representation- a 3rd person perspective- how we look to someone else when we are doing it

We are trying to get specific sensory information so we know what the state of being/ doing *insert your goal* is like. That way we can ascertain whether we are there or not and also see what’s missing and work towards getting there.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”now, what’s the plan, stan?” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Now it’s time to plan how we are going to integrate this. By taking small steps, one at a time, I am going to make it as easy as possible to embed my new behaviour into daily life:

  • what specific actions am I going to take?

  • how will I integrate them?

  • when will I do this?

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”think ahead and be prepared” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Finally, we need to prepare for when things don’t go according to plan (as they inevitably won’t).

The first part of this is understanding internal issues such as, how your perceive yourself, the beliefs you have, and/or behaviour you exhibit to trigger the old unwanted behaviour.

The second part to this is to understand what can go wrong externally, i.e. with other people, your environment, or external events that trigger the unwanted behaviour

Once you have understood all of the above, the questionnaire will help you to develop a strategy to avoid or overcome these. By considering what can go wrong ahead of time, you can develop alternative strategies, so that you are prepared. This will dramatically increase your chances of succeeding.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”summary” font_container=”tag:h4|text_align:left|color:%23ce879f” google_fonts=”font_family:Oswald%3A300%2Cregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Hopefully, this will explain the thought processes behind the questions we ask in the second questionnaire in this series.

By completing the 2nd questionnaire, you should by now have an understanding of your most important value, why it’s important as well as a simple action plan in place for how you can start to achieve this.

The key is to start slowly and build habits.

In the next episode in this series of articles, we will review how making our first change went, along with some tips and tricks so we can really make these habits stick.[/vc_column_text]

[vc_text_separator title=”Footnotes” color=”custom” accent_color=”#ce879f”][vc_column_text]
  1. I can highly recommend James Clear for his fantastic writing and insights, he has provided much of the inspiration for this article.

  2. Develop Good Habits is also a great, highly-recommendable resource, full of ideas and tips on how you can develop the ‘right’ habits.