How will you know your child is resilient?
The ultimate aim is for our kids to demonstrate their resilience through their behaviour.
However, behaviour is only the outward manifestation of what’s happening on the inside.
If you truly want to have a lasting influence, then you have to dig a little deeper and focus your efforts on the very things that produce behaviour in the first place: values.
Your values drive your beliefs, your thoughts, your emotional state and finally your behaviour.
Having clarity on what resilience means and why it’s important for your child and your family, will have the biggest effect on their behaviour.
your secret weapon
Values drive every decision and action that you take, from your choice of career, car, where you live, even the clothes you are wearing.
You tend not to realise this because our values remain hidden away in our subconscious.
For most of us this means sleepwalking through life not really understanding what truly motivates us and can often lead us to make bad choices.
However, if you take the time to understand, define and clarify your values, you develop your own personal internal compass that will guide you through every action and decision, as Roy E. Disney said:
It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.
By helping them (and you) to understand what is important to you about resilience and why, you will give your kids a personal framework that they can use for the rest of their life.
How did we do this with our kids?
create a family manifesto
Don’t worry, we aren’t suggesting that you start your own political party.
Instead, the idea is to discuss what resilience means to you and your kids and to encapsulate these thoughts into a document that will provide your family with an internal compass which will guide your thoughts, focus, decisions and actions.
A code of behaviour that can motivate and inspire your family to make the right resilient choices.
how to use it
STEP 1: DISCUSS and DECIDE
It’s important to bring values out into the open. You can discuss subjects such as success, failure, attitude, work ethic, dealing with problems, talent vs effort etc… The point of this exercise is to find common ground so that everyone understands what’s important about these subject areas and why.
To help, we’ve designed a simple and fun questionnaire that will guide you through this process.
STEP 2: DISPLAY
Once we’d had our discussion, we designed and printed out our manifesto. We then all signed it and stuck it on our fridge, pride of place where we spend most of our ‘together’ time. We also stuck one up in each bedroom to serve as a regular reminder.
The idea is that by having the values there, as a physical thing, writ large for all to see, discussed, and signed for- holds us all to a higher behavioural standard.
Trust me, if your behaviour deviates (even for a moment) from your values manifesto, the little
buggers treasures will take great delight in letting you know.
Now you have a blueprint for what your family stands for and believes in, you own a compass that will guide all your future actions and decisions.
Very Powerful stuff.
(For more info you can read our article on Values here)